Case # 1: A man was happily married for 15 years until his wife died of cancer. As long as they were happy, they did not try to analyze anything. They both agreed that sex was an important part of their relationship but did not investigate any further. She died of bone cancer. It was very painful. For the last two years he could not even give her a hug. They were both surprised to see that the absence of sex did not change anything in their relationship. How come something that they both considered important could disappear without making any difference? What was their relationship really based upon?

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It is not always that way. They knew of another couple in a similar situation. Sex became impossible the day the husband learned that his wife had cancer. It was not his decision. It was a reaction out of his control. It was a very sad story. They divorced while she was dying. How come the same cancer can unite some people and pull others apart?

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It is only after the death of his wife that he tried to understand what happened between them. They both could put their egos aside. That helped. You cannot imagine a happy couple where one is always using the other as an ego massage. The ego is what makes us say “I” and this “I” needed another “I”. The ego may separate us from the rest of humanity, but we cannot separate ourselves from our ego.

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They were careful to respect each other’s privacy. He would feel bad asking something he did not need to know. He would never ask where she bought her make-up or why she was late coming back home. That was only details, and they should not let details pollute a relationship. He knew that there was something more important. He was not sure what that could be.